Terrifying thoughts and a furious rant.

Yes, there will be cursing.

As of the 4th I was a one-year veteran of my company. Oh joy, oh bliss. What was most sad about it though was that the celebration of my iron endurance and professional dedication went completely unceremoniously and unnoticed unless I mentioned it; my boss said nothing, my supervisor said nothing, my coworkers said nothing. One year anniversaries are so rare here that no one even expects them, let alone mentions them. Even if one of your co-workers thinks about it, it's with more of a shudder of sympathy than a clap of celebration; it's kind of like surviving one year in a gulag, who really wants to be congratulated on that?!

That may have been the saddest part, but the most terrifying part was when I mentioned my survival rate to a coworker and his response was, "Congrats! Ah yes, I remember my one-year, then I blinked and it was four."

FOUR?!?! Fucking-A! Where do I work, a black hole?!?

Pass too closely and your life stretches out into an infinitely long period of time; enter it directly and there is nothing but oblivion as your very sense of self is disintegrated into a billion pieces and absorbed into the very core of the space-time-anomaly! Resistance is futile...

ARGH! No! Must....escape....doom!

Luckily, I've been getting calls from different recruiters so there may be some event on the horizon (a little astro-physics joke there, did I make anyone giggle?). These calls have been the ultimate vindication too, nothing like people coming looking for you to make you feel good after a year of the nagging sensation that four years in the Army and four years of college hasn't provided you with enough experience or marketable skills. That and those two Google creators being only 7 years older than I but worth $19 billion more. Ugh.

Now, a bit of ranting (like you didn't see this coming...):

To the NOAH'S BAGELS in Roseville: Try hiring someone with a friendly attitude if you want repeat customers. If what happened to me on Saturday happens again, I may consider opening a bagel shop myself just to try to run you out of business, or at least steal a significant portion of your customers. (For the record, no, I wouldn't, I like my Saturday mornings...but I feel like it).

My wife and I go into Noah's pretty damned hungry. It's busy and the wait is long but we accept that because we were too lazy to make breakfast ourselves. What I didn't expect was some of the worst service I've received, ever.

My wife orders a "veggie" breakfast panini; the other option was a bacon panini but we don't eat pork. And, by the way, I'm pretty tired of people giving me crap because I don't eat pork just because I'm married to someone who doesn't. Most people get all freaked out and paranoid that I'm judging them when I say I don't eat pork and they try to convince me of all the health benefits of eating pig. I'm not judging you, what goes in my gut is my choice, not yours, get over it!

Anyway, my wife's veggie panini comes out with no veggies but a lot of bacon. I then spend three minutes (yes I'm exaggerating) standing at the counter trying to get the attention of one of the many teenagers packed into the cooking area like Los Angeles landscape artists in a pickup truck (OH! Political incorrectness alert!). When I finally do, he greets me through an eyes half closed, probably Ritalin-induced, MTV-brain expression and says, "yeah?"

I am now a thrilled and excited customer, in awe of the care and concern they show for my order. And in case you're saying "well they were busy and probably just stressed out" hear this: I worked at Starbucks and I had to be cheery to people as early as 5:30 in the morning while I knew I had to go and study for a business degree in eight hours and I fucking did it with a smile on my face so this little narcissistic teenage new-century-coddled pissant can suck it up and learn the value of customer service.

*Ahem* I apologize, I digressed. I point at the bacon panini and say, "This was supposed to be a veggie." Without a word to me, this kid takes the basket and turns to another of his co-workers who is hurriedly getting someone else's order wrong and says, "this was supposed to be a veggie." She sighs, curls her lip, rolls her eyes and droops her shoulders the way a four-year-old would if you told them they had to clean their room before they could play with their toys. She takes the basket, and he turns and walks away without saying anything. Nothing. No, "we're sorry, we'll get that fixed", nothing!

But it gets worse.

When my order is "complete", I take it back to my wife, who is so hungry she's staring at the doggy bagel bites and drooling. When she opens it up to put some pepper in it, however, there's a chunk of bacon sitting right there saying, "Ha-ha! Missed me!" They actually just hap-hazardly took the bacon off and threw the veggies on top of it! What the hell?!? What if this was a food allergy, not a personal choice?!? I mean, has customer support and business ethics gone THAT far out the window that those kids thought this was an okay way to fix someone's order? A half-veggie half-bacon breakfast panini was not what I paid for!

The manager on duty scoffed at his pathetic excuse for a workforce when I took it too him and he, to HIS credit, gave my money back to me in cash and apologized. Mr. Curly Head, you are the ONLY reason I may consider returning to that shop at some point in the future. Should I return, be proud that your professionalism and customer care kept some small portion of revenue for your shop. If I do not, then take that professionalism and customer service attitude with you as it will serve you well in all your future endeavors.