The anthropologists in the audience may shit themselves now.
For those of you (do I have a following yet? am I an Internet star yet?) who are not familiar with Mezzo-American ancient historical cultures, the Mayan calendar ends in 2012. There are several theories (ranging from the end of the world to the calendar just starts over to they believed there just wouldn't be a need for one) but I prefer my own, slightly simmered on the humor of one of my best friends who is an anthropologist, and seasoned with a hint of garlic and cynicism:
- As is typical of youth-parent occupational progression, the son of the calendar engraver decided that he wanted more excitement out of life than blistered hands and culture-guiding math skills. He wanted to be captain of his village's football team - the odds of surviving are 50/50, but the chicks dig it!
- Their math was off - the calendar should have crashed in 2000 but Microsoft saved us all.
- The engraver got bored and started a union. The subsiquent strike was never resolved and the calendar slab manufacturer had to file a Chapter 11.
- The 4th dimension behaves like a yo-yo and in 2012 time starts going backwards.
- And my personal favorite: For all of their warlike behaviour, the Mayans actually had a gigantic sense of humor and stopped their calendar on a random year just to fuck with people for centuries to come.
There you are, my analysis of the great lost civilization.
Stay tuned for my thoughts on Atlantis, where the pyramids really came from, and the long-lost concept of personal and moral responsibility!
6 comments:
I can totally believe they just wanted to fuck with us. I mean, these are the same people who brought us "The Emperor's New Groove"!
Or maybe that was another overblown civilization with anthropormorphic figure heads who demand human sacrifice. Maybe I'm confused.
I am not an anthropologist so I did not shit myself. Thank god. I need to do laundry. Looking forward to being enlightened.
When did David Spade fuck Mayans? And what's so wrong with that if he did. Wait... are there any Mayans left? I thought they all died.
I already don't like your blog. It attracts strange commenters.
lol! nice!
Unfortunately I have misplaced the thesis I wrote and Mayan calendar engraver thingy guys, or I woud totally have the answer to this one. I personally think everything is going to roll along just like every other weird-ass day.
In all seriousness...or maybe not... I have a niece who was born on December 21, 1992.
She is seriously dreading her 20th birthday... 12 21 12 ... claiming that the world is scheduled to end that day.
I tried to calm her by telling her that it's only an American phenomenon...that the rest of the world records the date as 21 12 12. She remains uncomforted.
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